Mary’s experience as a mother was not unlike the lives of mothers today. Despite her faith, as Jesus grew older, her fear and uncertainty became tangible.
“While writing in my journal today, tears fill my eyes as I slowly scan my house full of children. Everyone is here except Elizabeth. She is home with her husband and two little boys who are the delight of our lives. Thankfully, Elizabeth and Amos live close enough to visit often. It is heart warming to have young children in the house again.
Simon and his wife, Leah, have already reclined into the room Joseph and I shared for many years. Leah joined our family a few months ago and has already taken over many of the household tasks. She has been a blessing for me and my sons. My heart grows warm as I watch them enjoy each other’s company. By the gentle way they touch each other, I know they are as much in love as Joseph and I were.
Judas is here now, but he may leave any minute. He enjoys visiting his friends and only God knows what they are doing. I pray a lot for him. Every time he leaves the house, I utter a simple prayer for God to please bring him back safely.
My miracle child, Sarah, is sitting at the doorway hoping Joel may come for a visit any moment. Since she met the young boy at the well on his return trip to his hometown, Cana, she has done nothing but talk and think about him. Reminds me of my first encounter with Joseph.
I look around and see a house full of children, yet my heart feels empty. There is one missing. My first born son, Jesus, is not here. Physically, he is sitting outside under the big tree with a little bird perched on his shoulder, but he is no longer in my house. Since cousin John came to visit a few months ago to tell Jesus of the angel’s visit, Jesus has been with him. John said he was going to the Jordan to prepare the way for our Messiah. Since the first day I visited Elizabeth and her baby leaped in her womb, I knew this day would come, but never did I expect it to be so difficult.
Jesus has been my child for 30 years. Did my Lord really expect me to let him go like I never knew him? God should know it is impossible for a mother to ever stop loving a child.
God’s plan is for children to leave their mothers. Elizabeth left my house to live with a loving husband and the hope of a new and glorious life as a wife and mother. Jesus will be leaving with… well, I don’t know what.
I know the angel Gabriel promised me Jesus would inherit the throne of David and a kingdom. Joseph did not get to witness the kingdom we anticipated for our entire married life. I fear I may.
Dear God, the fulfillment of Your promise is my desire. I fear it is near and I must prepare my family for what is to be. Please give me the strength and wisdom I need. My dear God, You know I will comply with any plan You have for my life, but do You realize how hard it will be for me to give him back? For 30 years I have witnessed him grow in stature and in favor with all men, and in wisdom beyond man’s comprehension.
Only You know what will happen to him. I pray I will be able to follow him in his journey and continue to record my version of his life. As always, I remain your bond servant to do your will.”
Mary Bailey is the author of “Jesus My Son: Mary’s Journal of Jesus’ Early Life.” For more information, visit www.jesusmyson.com.